Medgar Evers once said “When you hate, the only one who suffers is you, because most of the people you hate don’t know you hate them and the rest, don’t care.”

Though I agree wholeheartedly with this statement, I’m shamed to admit that I still hold hatred in my heart. I attempt daily to redirect this hatred or to transfer it into a different emotion, but it seems an impossible feat.

Holding on to this hatred is futile, and I’m aware of this fact. It’s futility is even more confounding because my hatred is for someone whom I don’t personally know. This person and I have never exchanged words of any kind. We’ve never even laid eyes upon one another. But my hatred for them burns bright within me. I suffer for this and I’m the only one that does.

I’ve contemplated on several occasions contacting this person whom I hate so viciously. A phone conversation, an email, a handwritten letter, something, anything to express my questions and anger towards them. But in the end, I internalize it instead. Feeling that my expressions would fall on deaf and ignorant ears. Also, I’m not the type of person to attack someone without cause.

I need to learn to redirect this emotion of hatred. I must force myself to let go of my anger and confusion. But learning to do so is proving harder every day. Particularly when their offenses continue to compound.